One trait displayed by some of the most successful managers I’ve worked with over the years is that they have more than 2 modes of operation -- they have a variety of moods, demeanors, and feelings. Some of the worst managers I’ve worked with, on the other hand, have had 2 modes of operation (or only one).
Let me explain with a story that happened several years ago...
I had been working as a supervisor on the factory floor for a number of months, in one of the worst areas in the plant. One night, production had ground to a halt and everyone was upset. The details aren’t important. What’s important is that all of my employees were gathered around me, most of them yelling. The Union Committeeman, the Alternate Committeeman, and two Shop Committeemen were also there, most of them yelling as well.
After a few minutes of trying to get people calmed down and back on the job, I finally lost it. And I mean lost it! I don’t remember what I said, but it wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t polite, and on a scale of 1 to 10 my volume was at least an 11. In less than a minute, the production cell was up and running full speed and the Union reps were telling me that they’d stop and chat with me later.
Why did everyone scatter when I started yelling? Was it because they were intimidated by me? No. It was because only a couple of them had ever heard me swear, and none of them had ever heard me yell. It took them absolutely off guard and they knew that they had pushed me too far. They understood that their concerns of the moment did not outweigh my anger with them, and they quickly returned to work.
Roger, on the other hand, yelled all the time. Roger had been a foreman for 30 years and he had exactly 2 modes of operation: he was either laughing or yelling. There were no in-betweens. Unfortunately, because of this, his people never knew when Roger was truly mad and when he was just being Roger. Over the years, they learned to just treat him the same regardless of whether he was laughing or yelling, and that often made it really hard for Roger to get the job done.
Now I’m not perfect -- far from it -- but I’ve tried to take on some of the traits that I’ve seen in people who are truly thriving, and being generally level-headed while still exhibiting a full range of (appropriate) emotions is one of those traits. It allows you to incrementally increase your intensity when dealing with people, which allows them to react more appropriately to your requests (or demands, as the case may be). It may take some practice to know what is and what isn’t “appropriate”, but the key thing to remember is that you need to have more than 2 modes of operation!
Train hard and pray harder,
Brandon Jubar
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Treat Everyone with Respect
Dealing with difficult people is the subject of countless tomes and many experts have spent years and careers studying the intricacies of interpersonal relationships. Yet even with all the tips, tricks and tactics made available by self-help gurus today, the fact is that it doesn’t always have to be that complicated.
I spent a number of years as a first-line supervisor on the factory floor. One of the last assignments I had was as the foreman of an engine cradle welding area. It was incredibly hot, extremely noisy, and widely considered to be the least desirable place to work in the entire plant. I suppose it’s not surprising that I had many discipline problems and the departmental attendance rate was atrocious when I first took over the area.
I had the 2nd shift crew and we were working from 3pm to 3am, Monday through Friday, 10 hours on Saturday, and 8 hours on Sunday. Our wallets were full from months of overtime, but nerves were frayed, tempers were short, and exhaustion was absolutely rampant. It’s no wonder that one of my guys took an extended lunch break one evening.
Unfortunately, that extended lunch break -- he came back to his station 90 minutes late -- caused my to shut-down half the cell because I had no extra people and his was a bottleneck operation. I placed him on notice of possible discipline, he called for his Union rep, and the three of us sat down for a chat.
I checked with our Labor Relations rep and found that the employee already had two penalties on his record, which meant that he would lose pay for the balance of his shift and one day if I penalized him that night. Well, after going through a thorough fact-finding interview with the employee and his Union rep, I did just that. I wrote the penalty and accompanied the employee to the gate. Before he walked out, he shook my hand, apologized, thanked me, and left the building.
The Union rep was looking at me like I was some sort of freak of nature (imagine the cartoon character with the bulging eyes and his jaw hanging down to the floor). He looked at me and said, “He shook your hand. He thanked you! In 35 years, I’ve never seen anything like that!”
I looked at him and said, “He was wrong and he knew it. I was fair with him. And I treated him with respect.”
And that’s exactly what happened. I wasn’t rude. I didn’t yell. I didn’t try to make him feel bad or guilty. I wasn’t sarcastic. I didn’t talk down to him. I treated him like a human being and gave him the respect he deserved because of that humanity. And you know what? He didn’t file a grievance against the penalty and I never had any problems with him again.
There are countless books and articles available on how to deal with all sorts of people more effectively. In my opinion, one of the best places to start is by simply believing that people deserve respect and then treating them that way.
Train hard and pray harder,
Brandon Jubar
I spent a number of years as a first-line supervisor on the factory floor. One of the last assignments I had was as the foreman of an engine cradle welding area. It was incredibly hot, extremely noisy, and widely considered to be the least desirable place to work in the entire plant. I suppose it’s not surprising that I had many discipline problems and the departmental attendance rate was atrocious when I first took over the area.
I had the 2nd shift crew and we were working from 3pm to 3am, Monday through Friday, 10 hours on Saturday, and 8 hours on Sunday. Our wallets were full from months of overtime, but nerves were frayed, tempers were short, and exhaustion was absolutely rampant. It’s no wonder that one of my guys took an extended lunch break one evening.
Unfortunately, that extended lunch break -- he came back to his station 90 minutes late -- caused my to shut-down half the cell because I had no extra people and his was a bottleneck operation. I placed him on notice of possible discipline, he called for his Union rep, and the three of us sat down for a chat.
I checked with our Labor Relations rep and found that the employee already had two penalties on his record, which meant that he would lose pay for the balance of his shift and one day if I penalized him that night. Well, after going through a thorough fact-finding interview with the employee and his Union rep, I did just that. I wrote the penalty and accompanied the employee to the gate. Before he walked out, he shook my hand, apologized, thanked me, and left the building.
The Union rep was looking at me like I was some sort of freak of nature (imagine the cartoon character with the bulging eyes and his jaw hanging down to the floor). He looked at me and said, “He shook your hand. He thanked you! In 35 years, I’ve never seen anything like that!”
I looked at him and said, “He was wrong and he knew it. I was fair with him. And I treated him with respect.”
And that’s exactly what happened. I wasn’t rude. I didn’t yell. I didn’t try to make him feel bad or guilty. I wasn’t sarcastic. I didn’t talk down to him. I treated him like a human being and gave him the respect he deserved because of that humanity. And you know what? He didn’t file a grievance against the penalty and I never had any problems with him again.
There are countless books and articles available on how to deal with all sorts of people more effectively. In my opinion, one of the best places to start is by simply believing that people deserve respect and then treating them that way.
Train hard and pray harder,
Brandon Jubar
Friday, February 13, 2009
Valentine’s Day the Single Way
It’s almost upon us! The second largest greeting card day of the year. That day when lovers express their love for each other by spending money on boxes of chocolate, heart-shaped everythings, and over-priced baubles. Cupid has packed his quiver to the bursting point and will be breaking flight speed records trying to skewer people the world over!
Ahhhh. It’s a good day to have a “significant other”! But what if you don’t? What if you’re happily single? Heck... what if you’re unhappily single? What in the world is a single person supposed to do on Valentine’s Day?
Have no fear, the idea man is here with four ways that single people can have a very fine Valentine’s Day.
Idea 1: Treat yourself to two nice meals for the price of one. Quite often, lesser-known local restaurants will offer 2-for-1 entrées on Valentine’s Day in order to draw in new customers. Make a reservation, show up with a rose, order two entrées, and then pretend like you’ve been stood up. Enjoy one of your delicious entrées and take the other home for dinner the next day!
Idea 2: Treat yourself to a movie on the big screen. It’s amazing how many couples go to see movies on Valentine’s Day. What’s the point? They can’t talk during the show, so they just sit there and quietly watch the screen while the guy’s arm goes numb draped across his date’s shoulders. Go to the same movie by yourself and you’ll experience the same lack of conversation, your arm won’t be numb, and you’ll get all the popcorn for yourself!
Idea 3: Treat yourself to a box of chocolate... the day after Valentine’s Day. Save your money on Valentine’s Day by having a quiet evening at home, but then hit your local drug store on February 15th to get some great bargains for your sweet tooth!
Idea 4: Use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to tell people how much you care. Instead of eating out, going to the theater, or planning your chocolate binge, why not sit down at your computer and spend the evening letting people know that they’re special to you. Login to facebook and write on some walls or send some private messages. If you don’t use social media, then crank out some old fashioned emails. Remind old friends (or old flames) of a special time you shared. Tell your current friends how much they mean to you. Let your family know that you love them (or start mending relations if you’ve had a falling out). Make Valentine’s Day a time to share your love on a wider scale!
Being single doesn’t mean that you have to feel lonely and depressed on Valentine’s Day. And trust me – you may be single but you’re certainly not alone! There are plenty of other people in the same boat. So I’ve given you a few ideas, but I’m sure you can come up with some ideas of your own. Whatever you do, just remember to have fun with it. It’s very possible to be extremely happy spending Valentine’s Day the single way!
Train hard and pray harder,
Brandon Jubar
Ahhhh. It’s a good day to have a “significant other”! But what if you don’t? What if you’re happily single? Heck... what if you’re unhappily single? What in the world is a single person supposed to do on Valentine’s Day?
Have no fear, the idea man is here with four ways that single people can have a very fine Valentine’s Day.
Idea 1: Treat yourself to two nice meals for the price of one. Quite often, lesser-known local restaurants will offer 2-for-1 entrées on Valentine’s Day in order to draw in new customers. Make a reservation, show up with a rose, order two entrées, and then pretend like you’ve been stood up. Enjoy one of your delicious entrées and take the other home for dinner the next day!
Idea 2: Treat yourself to a movie on the big screen. It’s amazing how many couples go to see movies on Valentine’s Day. What’s the point? They can’t talk during the show, so they just sit there and quietly watch the screen while the guy’s arm goes numb draped across his date’s shoulders. Go to the same movie by yourself and you’ll experience the same lack of conversation, your arm won’t be numb, and you’ll get all the popcorn for yourself!
Idea 3: Treat yourself to a box of chocolate... the day after Valentine’s Day. Save your money on Valentine’s Day by having a quiet evening at home, but then hit your local drug store on February 15th to get some great bargains for your sweet tooth!
Idea 4: Use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to tell people how much you care. Instead of eating out, going to the theater, or planning your chocolate binge, why not sit down at your computer and spend the evening letting people know that they’re special to you. Login to facebook and write on some walls or send some private messages. If you don’t use social media, then crank out some old fashioned emails. Remind old friends (or old flames) of a special time you shared. Tell your current friends how much they mean to you. Let your family know that you love them (or start mending relations if you’ve had a falling out). Make Valentine’s Day a time to share your love on a wider scale!
Being single doesn’t mean that you have to feel lonely and depressed on Valentine’s Day. And trust me – you may be single but you’re certainly not alone! There are plenty of other people in the same boat. So I’ve given you a few ideas, but I’m sure you can come up with some ideas of your own. Whatever you do, just remember to have fun with it. It’s very possible to be extremely happy spending Valentine’s Day the single way!
Train hard and pray harder,
Brandon Jubar
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Do You REALLY Listen?
"Oh. Yeah. Uh-huh." (I can't believe the boss wants that report by 8am...) "Really? Wow." (I really need to write a blog post about these ridiculous talking heads on TV...) "What? Yes, of course I'm listening!"
Have you ever had a conversation like that? You know the kind... when someone is talking to you but it seems like your mind wants to focus on everything except what the person is saying to you. Perhaps you start out okay, but then they'll say something that makes you remember a story on the news, which gets you thinking about the news in general and how you can't stand that new obnoxious little weather guy and... you've completely missed what the other person was saying to you!
These are incredibly interesting times we're living in. Technology has absolutely exploded in recent years and we have truly entered the "information age". I mean, when my mom tells me to "Google it" and my 11-year-old son asks if he can set-up a Facebook profile, I'd have to say that the Internet has finally become ubiquitous. Of course, with all of this information literally at our fingertips, it's easy to become overloaded and unfocused.
At least in the US, we tend to have a tradition of poor listening. Oh, we can 'hear' just fine, but we generally have trouble truly listening to the ideas of others. We listen long enough to jump to a conclusion about what you're saying, and then we turn our brainpower towards planning our response so we're ready once you finally stop to take a breath.
Now if all you do is spend time debating with people, this may work out just fine for you. However, if you're at all interested in building friendships and maintaining relationships with loved ones, then you must practice your listening skills.
Active/Reflective Listening is something that I was trained to do a long time ago, and what it basically boils down to is that you ensure comprehension by reflecting back what you've just heard the other person say... and mean. For example, if your spouse is going on and on about how terrible the boss was and how bad traffic was and how rotten lunch was, then you might respond by saying, "Wow! Between your boss, your commute, and a cold hamburger, it sounds like you've had a horrible day!"
Of course, that's a relatively easy example. Oftentimes the meaning behind what a person is saying can be significantly different than their actual words. Whether intentional or not, it's fairly common for people to veil their true feelings, especially if they haven't really dealt with those feelings. When that's the case, active/reflective listening takes a much greater effort.
Unfortunately I don't have time to do a thorough training treatise about active/reflective listening right now, and (luckily) that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is that when we do more than nod and say "uh-huh" when someone is talking to us -- when we try to be more actively engaged in what they're telling us -- the more likely it is that we'll be able to stay focused, block out the "noise" from other thoughts, and show the other person that we really do care.
Family & Relationships Tip #1: Really listen to people when they talk to you. Become actively involved in the conversation and ensure your understanding by reflecting their ideas back to them, but in your own words. Don't let your mind wander and don't be thinking about what you're going to say next. Place all of your attention with the person to whom you are speaking.
Family & Relationships Bonus: If you're really good, you'll not only listen and reflect back, but you'll start to ask open-ended questions as well. These questions should not be "leading" questions that guide the conversation, nor should they be "yes/no" questions. Try to ask questions that encourage the person to share more information with you. It can be something as simple as asking, "Can you tell me a little more about that?"
Train hard but pray harder,
Brandon Jubar
Have you ever had a conversation like that? You know the kind... when someone is talking to you but it seems like your mind wants to focus on everything except what the person is saying to you. Perhaps you start out okay, but then they'll say something that makes you remember a story on the news, which gets you thinking about the news in general and how you can't stand that new obnoxious little weather guy and... you've completely missed what the other person was saying to you!
These are incredibly interesting times we're living in. Technology has absolutely exploded in recent years and we have truly entered the "information age". I mean, when my mom tells me to "Google it" and my 11-year-old son asks if he can set-up a Facebook profile, I'd have to say that the Internet has finally become ubiquitous. Of course, with all of this information literally at our fingertips, it's easy to become overloaded and unfocused.
At least in the US, we tend to have a tradition of poor listening. Oh, we can 'hear' just fine, but we generally have trouble truly listening to the ideas of others. We listen long enough to jump to a conclusion about what you're saying, and then we turn our brainpower towards planning our response so we're ready once you finally stop to take a breath.
Now if all you do is spend time debating with people, this may work out just fine for you. However, if you're at all interested in building friendships and maintaining relationships with loved ones, then you must practice your listening skills.
Active/Reflective Listening is something that I was trained to do a long time ago, and what it basically boils down to is that you ensure comprehension by reflecting back what you've just heard the other person say... and mean. For example, if your spouse is going on and on about how terrible the boss was and how bad traffic was and how rotten lunch was, then you might respond by saying, "Wow! Between your boss, your commute, and a cold hamburger, it sounds like you've had a horrible day!"
Of course, that's a relatively easy example. Oftentimes the meaning behind what a person is saying can be significantly different than their actual words. Whether intentional or not, it's fairly common for people to veil their true feelings, especially if they haven't really dealt with those feelings. When that's the case, active/reflective listening takes a much greater effort.
Unfortunately I don't have time to do a thorough training treatise about active/reflective listening right now, and (luckily) that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is that when we do more than nod and say "uh-huh" when someone is talking to us -- when we try to be more actively engaged in what they're telling us -- the more likely it is that we'll be able to stay focused, block out the "noise" from other thoughts, and show the other person that we really do care.
Family & Relationships Tip #1: Really listen to people when they talk to you. Become actively involved in the conversation and ensure your understanding by reflecting their ideas back to them, but in your own words. Don't let your mind wander and don't be thinking about what you're going to say next. Place all of your attention with the person to whom you are speaking.
Family & Relationships Bonus: If you're really good, you'll not only listen and reflect back, but you'll start to ask open-ended questions as well. These questions should not be "leading" questions that guide the conversation, nor should they be "yes/no" questions. Try to ask questions that encourage the person to share more information with you. It can be something as simple as asking, "Can you tell me a little more about that?"
Train hard but pray harder,
Brandon Jubar
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